About a month ago, life was looking pretty good. I was searching for a new job down in Fargo, not finding much for $12/hr out there, but hoping that something would come in time. Work was getting better, with only a couple of hrs of overtime, no more than 2 hrs a week. I now that is something that I can handle for sure.

However, as many applications that I have sent in and followed up on, I have heard nothing back. I have polished and re-polished my resume pretty much every time I apply. I send follow-up letters about a week later reminding them of my interest. I have called and/or e-mailed with my follow-ups as well, but nothing. Well, I did get a thank you for submitting an application, but that is it.

Then, the overtime at work started to get worse. First, it went up to 4 hrs, which I thought I could do. Then, they hiked it up to 8 hrs after Thanksgiving! There is no way that my sanity can handle that, especially since they want us to do all the overtime on the phones.

And don't get me started with the phones. The calls are non-stop right now. There is no time to work on e-mails or follow-up on any other cases that we need to be working on. You are hounded by the leadership to try and keep taking as many calls as you can and no 15 min break or lunch break is really able to relieve all the stress and anxiety that comes with doing a job like that.

So, because of all this stress and anxiety in my life right now, I hit my breaking point last week. My doctor has me on an new anti-anxiety drug to help relieve all the stress and anxiety that I am having. While it is starting to work, being in public around many people is just not safe for me. Being in a noisy environment as well is even worse.

Back when I was in high school, when things like this would happen, usually I was be in a room by myself for a few days working on my school work. Heck, I would even eat lunch there. I just didn't want to face the world with all this anxiety. It's like when my grandma passed away and while I didn't go back to school for about a week afterwords, when I did come back I spent about a week in a small room working on my schoolwork by myself or until I felt well enough to rejoin my regular classes.

I'm thinking I may have to discuss something like this with my supervisor to see if this something that can be done, but I would want to do just e-mails. I really can't handle phone calls right now, nor can my brain, my body, and my emotions. I don't know if they would want to do that since I'm good at doing phone calls quickly, but I fear I will really lash out against an angry caller and that just can't happen. I'm even considering shortening my hrs as well. I need to do at least 32 hrs to keep my health insurance, which I just can't live without.

So right now, I'm trying to heal and get back to normal. How long it will take, I really don't know. However, Thanksgiving is coming up and I have a vacation: turkey in G-Town on Thursday, then off to the Twin Cities for the rest of the weekend. Maybe being with my family will help me out.

So, this entry today is about what the title says: you can't believe everything that is sent to your e-mail address.  However, this comes after getting an e-mail from the same person about the same untrue thing twice!

Let me start the story.  A few months ago, maybe even sometime late last year, I got an e-mail from my dad.  Normally my dad sends me stupid forwards that I don't care about reading, but the one he sent interested me because it was about the new $1 Presidential coins that the U.S. Mint was producing.  The e-mail "claimed" that the words "In God We Trust" was removed from the coins and was encouraging everyone to not use them in protest.

However, this was incorrect.  Just a few weeks before I got this e-mail, I saw in the news an article about the new $1 coins.  See, the new coins had a unique feature to them: etched edges.  What was done is that the Mint moved "In God We Trust" to the edges of the coin instead of on the front of the coin like every other coin every made.  So any of these coins made prior to 2009 had the phrase on the side edge, just like the image below:


This is the Washington coin released in 2007.  You can clearly see where "In God We Trust" are on the side of the coin.  And this is an official image from the U.S. Mint about the Washington coin.

Another thing in the e-mail was saying was that the liberals had this removed.  If that is true, then Joe Biden and the Kennedys aren't Catholic.

So, i replied back to my dad with all of this information from the U.S. Mint and included the above image as well.  However, he is almost 60 years old and does forget things from time to time.  That's why I was not surprised to see the same e-mail from him in my inbox TODAY!  And again, I replied with the above information.  It needs to sink in at some point, right?

I'm really surprised that my dad would fall for something like this.  Besides, what does it matter if the words "In God We Trust" is on our coinage?  Anyone remember that little thing called freedom of religion and separation of church and state?

Really, all I have to say is that there are some real idiots online.  The avatars below pretty much sum up my feelings about this issue:

    

Thank you Edward and Toshiro for the explanations...
 

So, I've been living in Grand Forks for over 2 years now and I haven't made any friends yet.  And I think the reason is that there really isn't a scene for me here.

For one, the film scene here is terrible.  Lack of a college with a solid film program and a local theater that shows rare films like the Fargo Theatre.  UND does it's film stuff in the English department, which makes no sense at all.  I mean, back when MSUM didn't have Film Studies, the film program was with speech and theatre, which makes sense!  And if the Empire shows any films, which is not often, they show old films, nothing new.  The Fargo Theatre gets new films that you would never see at the multi-plexes, especially documentories and foreign films.

Another thing that I hate about Grand Forks is that they still allow smoking in bars.  Last time that I went to a bar with smoking, I got bronchitis the next week and missed work for a few days (not to mention that it took my over a month to recover and then I got a virus and was sick for a week).  Therefore, since everyone goes to the bars with smoking here in GF, I can't find anyone to hang out with as I fear that I will get sick.  And no one goes over to EGF to the bars, but then again, they have like no good bars.

Whereas in Fargo/Moorhead, both towns are smoke-free.  All their bars are smoke-free.  I would have no problems going to a bar after work for a drink, albeit a non-alcoholic drink (I'm on too much medication to be drinking alcohol).  But at least I could hang out with people without the fear of getting sick.  Now, there are a few non-smoking bars in GF, but who wants to pay the high prices (like at the bars at Canad Inns)?

Also, there is much more you can do on your days off in FM.  In GF, about all I can do on my days off is get groceries at the grocery store and stay home and watch TV.  There is just a lack of things to do here, mainly because of a lack in events that interest me and lack of places to go.  I at least had kewl places to go back in college, like the museums and the malls (yes, the malls in FM are SO MUCH better than the malls in GF).  Heck, they have better bike routes and more sidewalks in FM, whereas you sometimes have to bike on the street in GF (which I refuse to do).

But the most important thing is that I have friends back in the FM area, many that I have not seen since I left college.  I know that there are people that I can lean on there if I ever need help or just someone to make me laugh or hang out with me for a bit.

So, I am considering trying to look for a job in the FM area and move back there.  I don't know though if it will be possible right now as I really don't have the money to move (remember that new car).  Plus, I would need a job that pays at least around what I am getting now ($13.15/hr, but would settle for around $13.00/hr).  I need this much to pay for my loans, rent and utilities, and everything else I need, like food and clothing.  Also, I would need a cheap rent; right now I pay $425 for a 1 bedroom that allows cats (not going to live without my Ai).

Hopefully, I can move back to FM one day.  Fingers crossed.

So, I traded in the "UnderAchieva" for a better car.  Below is the car and me outside of Tastee Freez in Moorhead on Monday:



It's a 2005 Scion xB in a super-nice metallic grey.  It has just a little over 40k in miles on it, but it had just under that when I bought it.  It is much roomier and has better mpg than the "UnderAchieva."  However, it doesn't have cruise control, but I think I can live without that as I don't take long trips.  Oh, and my supervisor at work has already nicknamed it the "toaster."  Then again, it does kinda look like a toaster.

I got it at Ward Muscatell Kia in south Moorhead.  They were super great to deal with, plus our finance manager just happen to be a guy who grew up in Grafton and my dad coached him in football his freshman year of high school!  And my mom used to work for his mom!  Small world or what!  So yeah, I got the "Spoiler Discount" on my new car.

So if you are looking for a new or used car, check out Muscatell.  The staff is great and you'll find a great car!

So yesterday I met with both my psychiatrist and therapist and they both said the same thing: I'm stuck in my life right now.  Guess what?  I totally agree with them.

My life is like this right now:

* Sunday - I sleep in as it is one of my days off from work.  If my family is in town, I hang out with them for the day.  If not, then I stay at home, watch some sports, check some stuff out online, and then take a nap around 5pm.  I get up around 8pm, watch some Adult Swim at 9pm, do some stuff online as well, then head to bed around 1am.

* Monday - This is my day for any appts.  It is also the day I try to get any overtime done if it is required for us to do.  The last couple of weeks we haven't had OT at work, so when I am done with my appts. at 3pm, I'm a little lost on what to do.  Usually I would run some errands, like pick up groceries or pay a bill, but after that, I don't know what to do.  So, I go back home, watch some TV and hang out online, then go to bed around 12:30am.

* Tuesday - Get up at 10am usually, leave for work at 10:40-10:45am.  Start work at 11am.  1st break at 1pm, lunch at 3pm (which I always leave work for and pick something up somewhere), last break at 6pm.  Get off of work at 8pm and then usually go wash clothes at Busy Bubbles.  Return home around 10pm, watch some TV and hang out online until going to bed at 12:30am.

* Wednesday through Friday - Pretty much the same as Tuesday, except that instead of washing clothes after work, it may be grocery shopping or running an errand or 2.  Get home around 9pm, in bed at 12:30am.

* Saturday - Saturday is about the same as Wednesday through Friday, with the exception that I CAN'T miss my anime on Adult Swim that night.  I always have to watch Bleach, at whatever time it is on (Adult Swim likes to mix it up from time to time), so I typically head home as soon as I can.  The time I go to bed varies on Saturday, depending on how tired I am.  Usually, it is no later than 3am, but sometimes it is later.

I repeat this routine every week.  Same old, same old.  And with my job, it is pretty much same old, same old as well.  I don't get moved to any of the special skills here, and while I have applied for leadership positions, I typically don't get them.  So I end up answering the same old questions by phone and e-mail with the same sellers or same type of sellers.  And I never seem to get any hard questions from sellers that require some additional work; it seems that I get the easiest questions ALL THE TIME!

Basically, my life is a straight line right now.  I need to add some variety to my life, but it's so hard when you don't have any friends where you live (I have no friends here in GF and I have been living here for 2 yrs).  Plus, it's hard to find any group that I would really fit into (I really haven't found anyone that loves to watch anime and read manga like I do).  I need to change my straight line to one with varying peaks and valleys.

So, if anyone has any suggetions on how I can turn my straight line of life to one with peaks and valleys, let me know.  Maybe I will try them to see if they help.  Right now, I just need to try something.

So I drew a picture of what I think social anxiety disorder is to me.  Here it is:



As you can see, in the middle of the picture is a person in a small box.  This person cannot leave the box they are in, but others can enter the box at will.  However, once in the box, no one can hear you.  If the person in the box tries to leave, they will get shocked or hurt.

Now, the people outside the box can enter the box at their will, but they actually don't even know there is a box there.  Since the person inside can't ask for help or try to get out without being hurt, most people simply walk passed the box and never enter it.  Maybe their hand or foot comes in, but it usually comes out of the box after a second or 2.  And since the person in the box can't touch the walls, they don't dare try to grab the hand or foot when in the box for those few seconds.

If someone from the outside does enter the box and asks the person in the box if they would like to come with them, the box will break down and the person inside will be allowed to leave.

So right now, I feel like I am stuck inside a box that I can't get out of without some help, without someone to show me the way.  Maybe one day I will find that person who is willing to come in the box to get me out.

Well, this is a long time coming, but for a good reason.  No, it’s not that I don’t have the time or things to talk about (believe me, I can find plenty to talk about).  Let’s just say that life hasn’t been the greatest for about a year now.

 You know, I have never really fit in anywhere.  Growing up, I was a tomboy with a love of sports, especially when I hit puberty and all the other girls were going crazy about boys and girly things.  In junior high, I was in love with the Beatles when no one else was.  As I started high school, I fell in love with anime and manga, but kept that a secret until I was a senior.  And being that I went to a small school, there was really no one that liked anime and manga.

So, I really didn’t have a group that I could belong to when I was growing up.  And because of that, I didn’t have any friends growing up as I either couldn’t make them because we had nothing in common, or they would reject me because I was into things that they deemed to be “weird.”

 Recently, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder.  It’s not a surprise, especially since I’ve been in Grand Forks for 2 yrs now and I don’t have a single friend that I hang out with on a regular basis.  I’m super scared to talk to people I don’t know and feel awkward in social situations (like our company holiday party, I left early because I was too afraid to talk to anyone, and these were people I work with).

 When I started college, I had social anxiety disorder because I had no friends, sat by myself during class and in the dining hall, and had a hard time talking to people that I needed to talk to (like my professors).  Eventually, as time went on, I started to meet people and gained some friends.  I joined some clubs on campus, especially the film club (I do have a BA in Film Studies), and further made friends.  I had a little easier of a time talking to people I didn’t even know.  By the time I finished college, I had some really good friends and felt bad that I had to leave them behind when I moved back home to help my family out.

 When my family no longer needed my assistance, I started to look for a job.  I had a crappy one at a hotel for awhile, but eventually I got a good paying job with Amazon.com.  I did start making some friends there, but some bad experiences with some fellow associates left me afraid to talk to others around me and get to know them.  Therefore, social anxiety disorder started to come back.

 In August, 2008, I started to get very depressed.  By September, I didn’t feel like getting out of bed.  I didn’t want to go to work, nor did I want to do much of anything.  My life was in turmoil and I needed help (and a vacation).

 So at the end of September, my dad and I went to the Twin Cities for a weekend and by November I was back into therapy to work out my issues.  While therapy has been good for me, I’m still extremely scared of social situations.  I’m afraid to go to places where people my age hang out, but since most of them are bars with smoking I just don’t like going there for health reasons.

 I was in some clubs in college that helped keep me busy and I was able to meet new people and hang out with my friends.  I would love to find clubs that I could belong to now that I am out of college, but all there seems to be are clubs for older people or for things I have no interest in.  Where is the film club?  Where is the anime club (I never joined the anime club in college because they were all English majors and they kind of looked down at everyone else)?

 I just hope that one day I will find a group for me again.  I had one in college, but I haven’t been in college for 3 yrs now and don’t have any plans on going back right now.  Sometimes, I just want someone to hold my hand and show me the way.

Ah, yesterday was so nice.  My parents and little brother came down for the day and hung out with me.  We had a nice lunch at the Texas Roadhouse, which all of us really liked (especially me, since I walked away with some leftovers from my pulled pork dinner; it's HUGE for $9).  Then we drove around a bit before going to a movie at the new River Cinema in EGF.  We decided on seeing WALL-E (and I can't say no to a Pixar film) and we really loved the theater.  Then we did some shopping at Wal-mart, had supper, and they dropped me off at my apartment and went back to G-Town.

It's been a really long time since I went to a film.  I usually don't go because I need to save my money and it's cheaper to wait for the DVD to come out and then rent it or borrow it from someone.  But I think I just might have to go to the movies more often now after going to River Cinema.

Now, River Cinema is a 12-plex theater located inside the Riverwalk Center in East Grand Forks.  After the major business left the mall, they needed to bring something back in to keep the mall up and running.  So, a local theater owner who owns a few small theaters in the towns surrounding Grand Forks proposed to open up a larger theater in the mall.  The city council decided to go with it and I bet they are glad they did.

When you walk into the theater, which is quite a nice sized lobby, you get the feeling that you are in a log cabin in the woods somewhere.  The walls are covered with natural wood logs and that theme carries on to many of the fixtures in the theater.  The front counter has flat screen TVs that show the different snack specials and the movie times as well.  There are flat screens that show customers the way to the correct theater as well.  As for the bathrooms, they are well lit and very clean with very private stalls.  They even have a couple of Xcelorator hand dryers, you know, the ones that make your skin move because they blow like a hurricane.  The staff at the theater is mainly high school and college kids, but they are very nice and super helpful.

You purchase your tickets and snacks all at the front counter, so no need to get your ticket first them your popcorn.  No ticket costs over $6.50 and the snacks are decently priced as well.  They offer a good selection of snacks, including pizza and candy.  And if you're in need of cooling down, you can get an Icee.  As for the pop, no matter what size you choose, you fill your own cup and you get free refills.  And with large popcorn, you get free refills as well.  FREE REFILLS!

Now, the actual theaters themselves compare to most other theaters in size at plexes.  The seats are elevated as well.  However, here's the kicker: the seats are all stadium style that rock back and the armrests are movable.  And don't get me started on the DTS sound sound system!  Even with WALL-E, the sound was amazing! 

They stage the start and end times of the films really well, so that no 2 films are getting out at the same time.  Then again, you don't have to go out via some side door; you just make your way back to the lobby and go out through the front exit.  This way, if you lose your party, you can always tell them to meet you out front!

This place is also a great place for birthday parties or some other kind of get together.  They have a couple of party/family rooms for gatherings, complete with seating and tables.  They are in the same area of the theaters that they show the majority of the family films, since it's families using the rooms.

As for R-rated movies, they make you show ID in order to get in, and if someone is under 17, they make sure they are with a parent/guardian.  Now, you just don't show ID at the counter when you purchase your ticket, you do have to show both your ID and ticket when entering the theater the film is in itself.  They also keep two theaters open in their own section for these films as well, which for sure helps with controlling which customers get in.

As for the films they show, they get many of the new releases.  Sometimes, they actually have a hard time keeping some movies around because they want to show as many new releases as possible.  But they must be doing something right if WALL-E was still popular enough to be there and making them money.  Although, I do think many of the moviegoers were going to see either Stepbrothers (which looks so stupid funny) or The Dark Knight (which scares me a little in the previews).

Another cool thing about River Cinema is that they have been doing midnight showing during this summer, and it's not just one film they do.  For example, on July 31st, they will be showing the new Mummy film at midnight and 12:05, and Swing Vote at midnight as well.  No doubt with the bigger films this summer they have done some good business with the midnight showings.

So, the next time you're in Grand Forks and want to see a movie, check out River Cinema 12 first.  Most likely, just like me, you are going to find that it is a much nicer theater than the Carmike 10 or many other large theaters you've been to in the past.

If you would like to know more about River Cinema, visit their website - Just Click Here!

I just want everyone to know that I will be coming down to the Fargo/Moorhead area next Sunday, June 29th, and will be staying until Monday, June 30th.  My brother has been wanting for over 2 years now to go back to the FM area and stay overnight in a hotel.  He wanted to stay in the hotel that we stayed at for one of my cousin's weddings, which is the Comfort Inn just east of West Acres and I-29.

I'm not sure yet at what time my family and I will be getting into FM on Sunday and leaving on Monday, but I think will be stay awhile in FM on Monday after checking out of the hotel.

I would really love to get together with any of my friends that are still in the FM area.  I haven't seen many of you guys since I left back in August of '06 after finishing college and moving back home.  If gas didn't cost so much, I would so try to come down more often, but with loans and bills to pay, I need to save as much money as I can.

So, if anyone wants to meet up, send me a message.  Doing it on Facebook would be the best, as I do check it at least two or three times a day.  My e-mail address is listed on Facebook as well and you can contact me that way as well.  Just don't give my cell phone a ring as I never answer to a number I don't know and I hate getting a voice mail. 

Maybe getting together at Fryn' Pan for some good food (god, I miss that place; wish there was one in GF) or one of the coffee shops would be great.  I just have to say no to any place where smoking is allowed as the last time I went to a bar that allowed smoking, 2 days later I had bronchitis and missed 2 days of work.

So yeah, drop me a line before Saturday so we can finalize things!  Love to see all of you!

Well, I'm just so busy nowadays I keep forgetting to update this little thing.  But I think it's about time for me to start doing some righting again.

So lately, here in eastern North Dakota, it's been raining lately.  Sometimes it's just a slow trickle, other times it's a heavy downpour with lightning and thunder.  I notice that a lot of the people that I with aren't wearing something to protect them from the rain or using an umbrella.  Of course, I make sure to have something with a hood on it or my umbrella because I don't like to get rained on (too many nasty chemicals in those raindrops nowadays).

Now, my umbrella isn't any normal umbrella.  No, it isn't something simple, like one of those mini umbrellas or cane handle umbrellas.  Nope, I have a Powerpuff Girls umbrella.  To be exact it is actually opens up and is Bubble's head, with Bubbles herself as the handle.

So you are probably asking why I use this umbrella.  Well, one reason is because it is very strong when the wind, mainly because of its shape and that it is not a mini umbrella.  I've actually gotten a few mini umbrellas that I would keep in my car or, back in college, my backpack, but the wind eventually broke them.

The other reason I still use this umbrella is for sentimental reasons.  You see, my sister gave me that umbrella for Christmas during my senior year in high school.  Since I was going off to college next year, she knew that I would need an umbrella, especially since I would be doing a good amount of walking around campus from the dorms to the union to the academic buildings.  Being she's been in college before, she knows what it's like to be caught in a downpour.  Heck, she told me after I opened it up that I would need it in college.

I used it a bit during my senior year of high school, but not enough for people to actually remember that was my umbrella and make fun of me.  But in college, people loved the umbrella and was amazed that I had the guts to use it when it rained.  When I worked at McDonald's during college, on the days it did rain and the manager had to do a walk around the lot, I would try to convince them to use my umbrella.  I think I got a couple of them to do it.

And I have been using it this last week as well.  Some of my co-workers like my umbrella, but I think some people upstairs in Customer Service or Phone Sales may think I'm a little weird.  Then again, most everyone that works in Seller Support is a little weird.

Believe it or not, my umbrella did break once, but thanks to some duct take, I was able to fix it and it works just as good as before.  And duct tape works great on the couple of holes that have appeared over the years of use.

My relationship with my sister hasn't been the greatest in the last couple of years and it hurts.  I regret some of what has happened with our relationship, but some of what was done needed to be done.  One day I hope we can mend our wounds and have a great relationship again.

In the meantime, I'll continue to use the umbrella and remember the good times.